Your Common Sense Guide to a First Date

We wish we didn’t have to write this post. You would think that these would be common sense rules that everyone would mostly follow. But no…we’ve been on too many first dates to know that there are some very clueless people out there. Maybe they weren’t trained correctly growing up or have never received any constructive criticism, but based on our experience, a lot of you have to start over with the basics.

The following rules apply to typical social norms of men planning out a traditional first date where the two people are actually looking for something serious (eventually) vs. just going out to hook up as the only intention. There’s a whole other list of rules for that, which we’d be glad to share as well (think plenty of alcohol and being overly flirtatious). Not all of these apply all of the time, but for the most part, try to stick to these basic principles.

Men

Top Thought
As the guy on the first date, ALWAYS plan it out by picking the place. Never ask the girl where she wants to go or what’s good in her neighborhood (specific places), just come up with something and go with it. We know this is a traditional point of view, but we’ve heard too many complaints from girls about guys who can’t even figure out where to go on the first date.

1. Keep it casual
Don’t go crazy planning out an elaborate date or take her somewhere sophisticated. Just keep it easy and laid back so that you guys can get to know each other. Sometimes the simplest things can impress the girl. Plus, if you start too fast out of the gate, how are you going to continue to impress her going forward?

2. Mix it up a little bit
This isn’t necessarily a necessity, but sometimes it’s good to plan a date that isn’t the typical drinks (or dinner). As in rule #1, we’re not saying to plan something complicated or overly impressive, just a little different. Hang out by a pier if it’s nice out, go for ice cream or hit up a bar with a live jazz band. She’ll appreciate your creativity.

3. Be on time
If you’re meeting your date at the spot you chose, the last thing you want to do is make her wait. She gets there on time and is wondering where you are. First impressions are very important and by showing up late, you’re already starting off on a bad foot. In fact, you should get to the location a few minutes early in order to scope out the scene, select a spot to sit at and begin to feel comfortable before she shows up.

4. Look good
Don’t dress like a shlump, look presentable. We know you’re probably going to just wear the first thing you see in your closet but make sure it looks nice and that it wasn’t laying on your floor for the last week. Women are very observant when it comes to clothing and how you present yourself. If you look like you just rolled out of bed, they’re going to notice.

5. Know where you’re going
If you pick her up before the date, know exactly how to find your destination when you guys arrive. If your buddy recommended this great place, but you’ve never been, what happens if there isn’t a clear sign or it’s a little secluded. You’re going to be pretty embarrassed when you walk up and down the block with her trying to find it. Make sure you do your research beforehand and know exactly how to find the location of the date.

6. Have a backup option or two
What happens if you get to the place and there’s no seating, there’s a long wait, it smells…whatever it is? Are you going to freak out and not know where to go? No, do your research beforehand and have a few other options close by as backups in case something goes wrong at the intended location. She’ll be impressed that you know so many places (and that you’re prepared).

7. Be a gentleman
Open the door for her, let her go first and always pay for the first date (do not split it!). Complement her on the way she looks and listen to what she has to say. These are all pretty basic things and they don’t take too much effort on your part. If you accomplish these and don’t freak her out, you should be on your way to a second date.

8. Drop her off at home
This actually depends on the proximity of where you go out to where you and she live (so it doesn’t always apply). Unless you happen to be near your place and she lives far away, be a good guy and drop her off at her place (if you plan on calling her again). She’ll appreciate it and think very highly of you, giving her a good first impression of the type of guy you are.

Women

Top Thought
Please offer to partially pay (split it) when the check comes. Pick up your bag, start to take your wallet out, ask if you can help out or pay, whatever you need to do. Just make sure you offer. We’re sure most of you do this, but there’s always a few who don’t do “the reach” or even acknowledge the bill and that’s a big pet peeve for a lot of guys. They spent time planning out the date and are willing to pay for it, but they just want to know that you care enough to at least offer.

1. Act excited for the date, but not too excited
Make him know you’re excited to hang out with him, but only mention it once and do it in a casual way. More than once or going overboard is just going to make you look desperate…and no one wants that.

2. Be close to on time
He’s the one that’s supposed to show up a few minutes early, so you can show up a couple minutes late (but not too late). He needs a little while to scope out the scene, maybe pick a table or two bar stools to sit at and generally get ready for your arrival.

3. Look good
First impressions are everything. Whether it’s a job interview or a first date, both people are judging the other to a certain extent. If you walk through the door looking good, the guy will always remember that and have that vision of you in his mind. However, this does not mean dress slutty or glob on the makeup…just look like your beautiful self.

4. If you’re interested, show interest
During conversation, subtly touch his hand or arm. This should happen naturally anyway, but if it doesn’t, you’re going to need to do it every now and then. A good time to do this is when he makes fun of you or during a story he’s telling that’s unbelievable. However, don’t do this too much or he’ll think you’re either too aggressive or that you want him to go home with you the first night (which you may not want).

5. Send a “thank you” text or email the next day
If the guy plans out and pays for the date, the least you could do is thank him for it. Send him a text (or email) saying “thanks” and include a witty comment or joke about your date the night before (if you want to go out with him again). If he had a good time and likes you, a thank you text will make his day (even though he probably wouldn’t admit it to anyone).

Everyone

Top Thought
Be yourself, but tone it down. It’s great that you’re interested in unique things or are very eccentric, but a lot of people need to ease into someone before they see the whole picture. We’re not saying to only talk about very generic topics, but if you’re going on and on about sports or fashion and the other person looks completely bored (or if you’re talking about your problems and the other person looks freaked out), you need to tone it down, change the subject and get back on track.

Feel free to add any more suggestions in the Comments and we’ll potentially add them to the list.

Image Source: AIGA, Wikimedia, Wikimedia