You Can Have A Warm Glass Of Leave Me the Hell Alone

Deborah B. – Female, 27. Washington D.C. Single.

Last night, I went on a second date with this guy Adam. We had gone out for drinks a week or so ago and last night we went out for drinks again and he told me to meet him at a bar about a block from my place at 9pm, a little late in my opinion, but so close to my apt it was ok.

We have drinks and it’s nice. Definitely no fireworks, but he’s interesting and kind of funny so I figure he’s nice enough. At about 11ish the area of the bar we’re in is totally empty and he tells me to come sit next to him (instead of just coming to sit next to me?). After talking for a little while he leans over and kisses me. About 45 seconds into it, he pulls away and says, “Whoa… PDA much?” Ummm… Confusing much? You told me to come over here and then kissed ME. I am positive that my breath was fine and we had kissed before, so I really had no idea why a person would do that unless to try to be funny. And it wasn’t funny, just weird.

So, we leave the bar and I try and part ways at that point but he insists on walking me home. I had lent my roommate the fob (sensor thing to get into the building) because she’s in the process of moving out and the doorman was MIA. So I call up to my roommate and no answer. After dealing with this for a few minutes, I tell him he can totally go and that I was fine. But he insists on staying and says, “You’re not gonna give me a glass of water?” I kept trying to end the night, but no. Apparently it’s a girl’s duty to serve dates water at the end of an evening. Finally someone else walked into the building and let me in. At this point I was going to try to end the night again, but this guy Adam starts talking to the dude who let us into the building and keeps walking and talking his way into the elevator.

We get into my apartment and I give him a glass of water. He leans in and we start making out. While making out, he starts getting a little handsy. Now, I’m no prude, but it was already 11:30, I was tired and frankly, just not really that into it. I pull away hoping maybe NOW he’ll get the hint that I’d like him to leave, but again, no. I have an air mattress set up in the den b/c my roommate had taken the couch to her new place and he says, “Ooh an air mattress” and plops himself down on the air mattress. I asked what he was doing and he replied, “What do you think?” At this point, I’m just getting annoyed. I’d been trying to get rid of him for 30 min already but subtlety was obviously not working on him so I say that I have to go to sleep and walk him to the door. Instead of being normal and nice, he gives me a hard time about where I’m standing in the doorway because apparently I wasn’t standing close enough to him. Well, duh! Finally, goodnight and good luck. If he hadn’t forced his way into my apt, I might have gone out with him again but at this point I’m thinking probably not.

A few minutes later, I’m on the phone with my friend and this dude calls me! I click over and he says: “I missed the last metro. I’m downstairs, come let me in.” I’m floored. I mean, really? Be a man. Take a cab. I clearly didn’t want him sleeping over. The whole persistent thing is becoming a little bit psycho at this point. So I reply, “What? So you’re gonna sleep over or something?” And repeats himself. So I respond very candidly, “You’re putting me in a bad position. I really don’t feel comfortable with that.” CLICK. He hung up! A 32-year old guy, just threw a hissy fit and hung up on me?! Again, I’m floored. Is this middle school? Did I just get hung up on? It can’t be. I call him back and say, “Did you just hang up on me?” And he replies in the most self-assured and surprisingly (to me) pissed off manner, “Yep.” I say, “Seriously?” And in the same obnoxious way, “Yep.” So I said, “What am I supposed to do now?” and he says, “Nothing, don’t worry about it.”

At this point I’m thinking in my head I have 2 options, I can either try to smooth things over or not. And since this whole thing seemed insane, I went for not. So I said, “Ok I won’t. Bye.”

Honestly, boys. If a girl kisses you it does not mean that you are now entitled to the whole enchilada. If she wants you to sleep over or have sex with you, she will. There is no reason to push so hard, especially on a second date. And there is absolutely no cause to act so incredibly presumptuous and when she doesn’t sleep with you on a second date, act like she’s done something wrong. It’s just uncool.

So Adam, my advice to you, get over yourself.

Image Source: the half-blood prince (Flickr)