Ask the “Expert”:

Adam S. – Male, 25. Harrison, NY. Single.

The Question: Hey “Expert.” Great website – all of your tips and advice that I read on your website daily have paid off immensely. I am sort of in a tricky situation right now and would greatly appreciate it if you could help me out.

While having dinner with some old and new friends last month I met some new girls who had joined us for dinner and who, obviously, all had boyfriends. That said, one really cool girl suggested I call up her best-friend since she thought it could be a good date for both of us. She then gives me her best friend’s cell number and I (obviously after waiting two days) give her a call and leave a pretty simple voicemail.

Having not heard back from this girl in over a week, I sort of moved on and didn’t really think about it too much until she called me back one week later and left a voicemail apologizing for not returning my call until then. The excuse she gave me in her message was that an old friend was staying over her apt. for the week and she was basically tied up with her the entire time; whatever. So, I call her that night and leave a second voicemail, assuming she’d call me back the next night.

What happened next is why I am writing to you, Mr. Expert. For the second time, I did not hear back from her. Days went by and I had managed to date/hook up/sleep with three other girls until she finally returned my call tonight. Since I was watching a re-run of How I Met Your Mother I let her call go to voicemail. Her message was simple, basically apologizing for taking a while to get back to me again and asking that I call her to hang out.

Here I am now unsure if I should call her back or not. If I do call her back, when? And how do I go about her lengthy response time(s). Do I forget about it or bring it up with her?!

The “Expert”: Thanks for your message Adam. People like this are pretty annoying to deal with. If she’s open to meeting you, then she should be better about returning your call. I know she hasn’t met you yet, but either be into it or not. And don’t make up an excuse that you’ve been busy for the last week…you can always find time. Anyway, unfortunately it’s something you have to deal with, so it is what it is. However, I wouldn’t judge her on it until you meet her and try calling her again after the first date (if it even happens) to see how long it takes her to get back to you. If she keeps this up after you’ve met her, then I’d say it’s not worth it (unless she’s hot and you don’t care).

I think you should definitely give her one more chance, but be more aggressive when you call and with what you say in your voicemail (if she doesn’t pick up). I would call her back tomorrow night around 9:45pm-ish. If she picks up, great. Don’t bring up her lag time, there’s no point in showing you’re annoyed before you guys even meet up (hopefully she’ll apologize again and just say it’s not a problem). If she doesn’t pick up, leave her a voicemail telling her to call you back when she gets your message and that you’ll be up late tonight. Also, you should say something about setting up plans to meet up with her over the next couple of days (even though you probably won’t meet up until early next week). You want to give her at least two different reasons to call you back the same night or soon so that you guys can make plans. If she knows you’re going to be up late and that you want to set up plans in the next few days, it should trigger in her mind that she needs to call you back soon. You don’t want to be too aggressive, but since it’s your last attempt, you need to get the point across (subtly) that she needs to get back to you.

Hopefully this works and you guys can go out and have a good time. If it takes her awhile to get back to you again and you miss her call, I’d just drop it. It’s not worth it, especially if you’ve “dated/hooked up/slept with three other girls” in the last week or two. You seem to be doing pretty well for yourself, so you shouldn’t be too concerned about this.

Good luck Adam.

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