We bet you probably weren’t thinking of that…

Image Source: MotivatedPhotos.com

The Question: Hey “Expert.” Great website – all of your tips and advice that I read on your website daily have paid off immensely. I am sort of in a tricky situation right now and would greatly appreciate it if you could help me out.

While having dinner with some old and new friends last month I met some new girls who had joined us for dinner and who, obviously, all had boyfriends. That said, one really cool girl suggested I call up her best-friend since she thought it could be a good date for both of us. She then gives me her best friend’s cell number and I (obviously after waiting two days) give her a call and leave a pretty simple voicemail.

Having not heard back from this girl in over a week, I sort of moved on and didn’t really think about it too much until she called me back one week later and left a voicemail apologizing for not returning my call until then. The excuse she gave me in her message was that an old friend was staying over her apt. for the week and she was basically tied up with her the entire time; whatever. So, I call her that night and leave a second voicemail, assuming she’d call me back the next night.

What happened next is why I am writing to you, Mr. Expert. For the second time, I did not hear back from her. Days went by and I had managed to date/hook up/sleep with three other girls until she finally returned my call tonight. Since I was watching a re-run of How I Met Your Mother I let her call go to voicemail. Her message was simple, basically apologizing for taking a while to get back to me again and asking that I call her to hang out.

Here I am now unsure if I should call her back or not. If I do call her back, when? And how do I go about her lengthy response time(s). Do I forget about it or bring it up with her?!

The “Expert”: Thanks for your message Adam. People like this are pretty annoying to deal with. If she’s open to meeting you, then she should be better about returning your call. I know she hasn’t met you yet, but either be into it or not. And don’t make up an excuse that you’ve been busy for the last week…you can always find time. Anyway, unfortunately it’s something you have to deal with, so it is what it is. However, I wouldn’t judge her on it until you meet her and try calling her again after the first date (if it even happens) to see how long it takes her to get back to you. If she keeps this up after you’ve met her, then I’d say it’s not worth it (unless she’s hot and you don’t care).

I think you should definitely give her one more chance, but be more aggressive when you call and with what you say in your voicemail (if she doesn’t pick up). I would call her back tomorrow night around 9:45pm-ish. If she picks up, great. Don’t bring up her lag time, there’s no point in showing you’re annoyed before you guys even meet up (hopefully she’ll apologize again and just say it’s not a problem). If she doesn’t pick up, leave her a voicemail telling her to call you back when she gets your message and that you’ll be up late tonight. Also, you should say something about setting up plans to meet up with her over the next couple of days (even though you probably won’t meet up until early next week). You want to give her at least two different reasons to call you back the same night or soon so that you guys can make plans. If she knows you’re going to be up late and that you want to set up plans in the next few days, it should trigger in her mind that she needs to call you back soon. You don’t want to be too aggressive, but since it’s your last attempt, you need to get the point across (subtly) that she needs to get back to you.

Hopefully this works and you guys can go out and have a good time. If it takes her awhile to get back to you again and you miss her call, I’d just drop it. It’s not worth it, especially if you’ve “dated/hooked up/slept with three other girls” in the last week or two. You seem to be doing pretty well for yourself, so you shouldn’t be too concerned about this.

Good luck Adam.

Agree / disagree with the “Expert”? Have an alternative point of view or solution?
Share your thoughts in Comments.

Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!

She said it was midwinter…Snowing and quite cold…and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City, Utah. It was a day trip (not overnight). They were strangers, after all, and had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon. They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte. They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car.

They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. In the deep snow she didn’t have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation.

Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car’s fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem, due to the extreme cold. Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date’s concerns about what is taking so long with a reply that indeed, she was freezing her butt off and in need of some assistance!

He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal! Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her first time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender. As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down. Or perhaps that should be ‘pants down.’ And you thought your first date was embarrassing. Jay Leno’s comment…’This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off.’ Oh and how did the first date turn out? He became her husband and was sitting next to her on the Leno show!

Image Source: Alex E. Proimos (Flickr)

Go out right now and try some of these…

Image Source: Alan Light (Flickr)

The initial listings in the RRD include email newsletters you should subscribe to if you live in a major city, entertaining and helpful websites relevant to the topics covered on Rumidate and unique online dating websites where you can find that special someone. We basically live on the Internet, so we’re familiar with what’s out there and try to keep up with the best of what the Web has to offer. We’ll continually add more categories, sub-categories and listings to the RRD, so make sure you check back regularly.

One of the primary purposes of Rumidate is to establish a utility for you. We created Resources to continue to work towards that goal. In that regard, if you need a recommendation for something in particular or think we should feature a certain category, sub-category or resource that would be directly applicable to our demographic, definitely let us know.

Thanks and get in touch if you have any feedback or suggestions going forward.

– Rumidate

This situation surely had to have an effect on many relationships. Democrat girlfriends and Republican boyfriends got into arguments over healthcare and the economy (it almost got as bad as the problems Mets girlfriends and Yankees boyfriends have with each other). More and more couples stayed in to keep up with the news every minute. And one guy even broke up with his girlfriend because he was too in love with President Obama and couldn’t spread it around to more than one person. We were fortunate enough to find a video that explains what happened…

Image Source: Mike_el Madrileño (Flickr)

A 23-year-old Russian student, Larisa Sizova, was passing time chatting with friends using ICQ [like AIM] when a message from a stranger popped up. Someone nicknamed ‘Olmer’ said, “Hi, I’m shocked! Download this…” The message contained a link to a website.

Wise enough not to download a suspicious programme, the girl sent a message back to the stranger asking what was going on and why was he “shocked”?

As it turned out, ‘Olmer’, a young man whose name was Oleg, had never sent anything to Larisa, but it was a computer virus that used his instant messenger address for spamming.

One thing led to another, the two chatted until night and discovered both were single and about the same age. But what’s most important, they felt an immediate attraction to each other. Surely, photos that both had in their contact info stirred up mutual interest.

They agreed to meet the next day.

What could possibly happen from this, maybe a few dates? Nope, Larisa and Oleg met and got married within three months! The typical falling in love scenario…get a random message sent to you by a complete stranger and marry him a few months later…how romantic.

“When we saw each other, we knew at once it was our destiny to be together,” Larisa is quoted as saying by life.ru.

“It was love at first sight. And it was thanks to computer spam! It’s amazing that from a huge number of people this virus chose us. If not for it, we wouldn’t have met!” she said.

Three months later the happy couple got married. At the wedding, Oleg raised a glass of champagne to the virus.

“I hope the virus that infected us with love is incurable,” he said.

Larisa and Oleg printed their first conversation and keep it framed on the wall to show it one day to their children and grandchildren.

This scenario gives us a new idea for how to pick up women. Spam the crap out of them until they respond.

Check out the article here.

Image Source: dogbomb (Flickr)

Image Source: MotivatedPhotos.com

The following rules apply to typical social norms of men planning out a traditional first date where the two people are actually looking for something serious (eventually) vs. just going out to hook up as the only intention. There’s a whole other list of rules for that, which we’d be glad to share as well (think plenty of alcohol and being overly flirtatious). Not all of these apply all of the time, but for the most part, try to stick to these basic principles.

Men

Top Thought
As the guy on the first date, ALWAYS plan it out by picking the place. Never ask the girl where she wants to go or what’s good in her neighborhood (specific places), just come up with something and go with it. We know this is a traditional point of view, but we’ve heard too many complaints from girls about guys who can’t even figure out where to go on the first date.

1. Keep it casual
Don’t go crazy planning out an elaborate date or take her somewhere sophisticated. Just keep it easy and laid back so that you guys can get to know each other. Sometimes the simplest things can impress the girl. Plus, if you start too fast out of the gate, how are you going to continue to impress her going forward?

2. Mix it up a little bit
This isn’t necessarily a necessity, but sometimes it’s good to plan a date that isn’t the typical drinks (or dinner). As in rule #1, we’re not saying to plan something complicated or overly impressive, just a little different. Hang out by a pier if it’s nice out, go for ice cream or hit up a bar with a live jazz band. She’ll appreciate your creativity.

3. Be on time
If you’re meeting your date at the spot you chose, the last thing you want to do is make her wait. She gets there on time and is wondering where you are. First impressions are very important and by showing up late, you’re already starting off on a bad foot. In fact, you should get to the location a few minutes early in order to scope out the scene, select a spot to sit at and begin to feel comfortable before she shows up.

4. Look good
Don’t dress like a shlump, look presentable. We know you’re probably going to just wear the first thing you see in your closet but make sure it looks nice and that it wasn’t laying on your floor for the last week. Women are very observant when it comes to clothing and how you present yourself. If you look like you just rolled out of bed, they’re going to notice.

5. Know where you’re going
If you pick her up before the date, know exactly how to find your destination when you guys arrive. If your buddy recommended this great place, but you’ve never been, what happens if there isn’t a clear sign or it’s a little secluded. You’re going to be pretty embarrassed when you walk up and down the block with her trying to find it. Make sure you do your research beforehand and know exactly how to find the location of the date.

6. Have a backup option or two
What happens if you get to the place and there’s no seating, there’s a long wait, it smells…whatever it is? Are you going to freak out and not know where to go? No, do your research beforehand and have a few other options close by as backups in case something goes wrong at the intended location. She’ll be impressed that you know so many places (and that you’re prepared).

7. Be a gentleman
Open the door for her, let her go first and always pay for the first date (do not split it!). Complement her on the way she looks and listen to what she has to say. These are all pretty basic things and they don’t take too much effort on your part. If you accomplish these and don’t freak her out, you should be on your way to a second date.

8. Drop her off at home
This actually depends on the proximity of where you go out to where you and she live (so it doesn’t always apply). Unless you happen to be near your place and she lives far away, be a good guy and drop her off at her place (if you plan on calling her again). She’ll appreciate it and think very highly of you, giving her a good first impression of the type of guy you are.

Women

Top Thought
Please offer to partially pay (split it) when the check comes. Pick up your bag, start to take your wallet out, ask if you can help out or pay, whatever you need to do. Just make sure you offer. We’re sure most of you do this, but there’s always a few who don’t do “the reach” or even acknowledge the bill and that’s a big pet peeve for a lot of guys. They spent time planning out the date and are willing to pay for it, but they just want to know that you care enough to at least offer.

1. Act excited for the date, but not too excited
Make him know you’re excited to hang out with him, but only mention it once and do it in a casual way. More than once or going overboard is just going to make you look desperate…and no one wants that.

2. Be close to on time
He’s the one that’s supposed to show up a few minutes early, so you can show up a couple minutes late (but not too late). He needs a little while to scope out the scene, maybe pick a table or two bar stools to sit at and generally get ready for your arrival.

3. Look good
First impressions are everything. Whether it’s a job interview or a first date, both people are judging the other to a certain extent. If you walk through the door looking good, the guy will always remember that and have that vision of you in his mind. However, this does not mean dress slutty or glob on the makeup…just look like your beautiful self.

4. If you’re interested, show interest
During conversation, subtly touch his hand or arm. This should happen naturally anyway, but if it doesn’t, you’re going to need to do it every now and then. A good time to do this is when he makes fun of you or during a story he’s telling that’s unbelievable. However, don’t do this too much or he’ll think you’re either too aggressive or that you want him to go home with you the first night (which you may not want).

5. Send a “thank you” text or email the next day
If the guy plans out and pays for the date, the least you could do is thank him for it. Send him a text (or email) saying “thanks” and include a witty comment or joke about your date the night before (if you want to go out with him again). If he had a good time and likes you, a thank you text will make his day (even though he probably wouldn’t admit it to anyone).

Everyone

Top Thought
Be yourself, but tone it down. It’s great that you’re interested in unique things or are very eccentric, but a lot of people need to ease into someone before they see the whole picture. We’re not saying to only talk about very generic topics, but if you’re going on and on about sports or fashion and the other person looks completely bored (or if you’re talking about your problems and the other person looks freaked out), you need to tone it down, change the subject and get back on track.

Feel free to add any more suggestions in the Comments and we’ll potentially add them to the list.

Image Source: AIGA, Wikimedia, Wikimedia